hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
