Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
