Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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