I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
