Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
