I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
