I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
