I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
