is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
