operation harelip BJ is a go
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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