I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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