He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had to cum in my sink.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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