I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
