Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
