Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
