What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
