you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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