he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
