Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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