Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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