i don't like sucking hair
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
