He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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