I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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