how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
