he wants to bone in the snuggie
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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