you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will be naked everywhere
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
