Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
