I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
