well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
