Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Congratulations! We have a period
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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