In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We had sex on a dog bed..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
