Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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