I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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