I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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