I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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