Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize