I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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