i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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