I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
