Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
