true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
