first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
