quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
