he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
