i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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