lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
