New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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