I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
