Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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