im about as happy as oj after his trial
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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