you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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