You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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