just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
