If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My vagina is officially offended.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
