You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
