OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
