so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
