I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
