Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize