I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
