Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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