i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
