Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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