we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
