I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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